students of jesus

“I think that, when I die, it might be some time until I know it.” ~ Dallas Willard 

Imagine a walk with God so natural and relaxed it makes no difference whether you are at his house or yours. Imagine sharing your life with God—and God sharing his life with you. Ask Enoch: sometimes the journey and the destination become one. It’s the mark of transformed heart, a saint living in God’s presence moment by moment. It’s a destination available even in the journey.

In human relationships there is a distance between two souls, even souls committed and persevering. Thirty years of marriage leaves me staring in wonder at the depth of our mutual love, but I am also amazed at the separation. We can finish each other’s sentences and predict the next words on our lips, and yet surprise one another with thoughts unimagined: fears and slights and hurts and misunderstandings. 

There is one relationship, though, where one soul inhabits another. King David marveled at the otherness—and the closeness—of the Creator:

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain. ~ Psalm 139:1-6

The “man after God’s own heart” opens this famous psalm overwhelmed at the nearness of God, but closes the very same Psalm with a demonstration of his distance from God's heart:

Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting. ~ verses 21-24

In his attempt to show solidarity with God, David reveals the distance between them. David invites God to test and know his anxious thoughts, completely unaware that his hatred for others has already put the the difference on display. Anne Lamott said it well: "You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."

If it’s true (and it is) that the Spirit of God comes to live within the human heart, then our greatest need is a heart big enough to host his infinite, loving presence. Even the grandest abode is a tiny Lego shack when the God of forever is knocking. Let’s join our brother Augustine in a prayer fit for every age, “Narrow is the mansion of my soul; enlarge Thou it, that Thou mayest enter in.”

Here is the difference between God and men: Moses asked God, “Show me your glory.” God answered by revealing his goodness.

It takes a bit of digging, but you can find Moses’ question in Exodus 33. It’s an amazing chapter if you know the context. God has rescued the people of Israel from Egypt: plagues, wonders, the parting of the Red Sea—even a pillar of fire and a glowing cloud of protection. These children of Israel responded by molding a calf from melted gold, and giving the calf credit for their freedom. Together, in the shade of Mount Horeb, God and Moses sit together and try to decide what to do.

God wants to check out. He will send an angel to help Moses finish the mission and keep his promises, even though Israel is like a spoiled child. Moses wants no part of this solution. Neither Moses nor God want to be identified with this people. Finally, Moses takes a stand:

“If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.” God relents because he likes Moses, and Moses presses once more:

“Now show me your glory.”

God’s answer is yes, but a curious yes: “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, Yahweh, in your presence.” (The advanced Student of Jesus will peek ahead into Exodus 34, where God not only proclaims his name before Moses, but also explains what it means.)

God always answers the question you should have asked. Moses wanted to see glory; God wanted him to know goodness. Ever since, we have been missing God’s point. We are looking for the big show; God is looking for the big heart. We think it’s about having God on our side, God knows it’s about having him inside our heart. It matters not that our hearts are small, if we will but welcome him, God will renovate us from the foundation up.

The lessons, the experiences, and even the glory of Mount Horeb await us still.