students of jesus

This is really interesting--and true, I suspect. I admit, it is very tempting to just give in to our emotions, the way we always could (and did) as children. It is also tempting to use the "it's healthy to let it out" excuse--we don't want to bury our emotions or be in denial about them, because it's good to cry, to be angry, etc.

And that's true to an extent, but I think we always reach that tipping point, where healthy expression turns into wallowing and martyrdom. And I think, like you do, that we have more control over our emotions than we tend to give ourselves credit for:

"I believe the reason we find repeated exhortations in the scripture to think and feels certain ways is because God has given us the capacity to rule our thoughts and emotions."

Thanks for sharing some of the scriptural references that point in this direction. Lots to think about...

It seems like it's even built into our language that emotions are external, unstoppable forces pushing on us from the outside (i.e. "That 'makes' me mad." or "I 'can't help' but get upset when I hear that.") Interesting.

I think I would disagree just a bit, Ray. I totally and completely agree that our habitual thoughts/way we look at things/understanding of things absolutely affects our emotions. But I don't think ALL our emotions are within our control. All it takes is to consider something like a child dying in a horrible way. One could perhaps, by "right thinking" (an interesting Buddhist concept...pretty much what I read your saying here) control an obsessive amount of grief for longer than is healthy, but I am not 100% able to control my emotions 100% of the time. Nor would I want to.

Here's an example. I almost divorced my husband last year. Long story there! But when I think about that, I have a set of feelings. If I look from a different "perspective," I can have a whole other set of emotions about it. But I am never going to be able to totally control the sadness about those lost days with one another while we were separated, or the grief about the hurt that was caused, etc.

Hi Kristin: There is, indeed, a lot to think about. The scripture constantly challenges me to weigh my personal experience against what the Father believes about me. Cheryl Ensom Dack's comments are worth taking into account as well--the really big stuff of life elicits emotions from us, emotions beyond our immediate control for sure. And yet we've all seen people wagged about by their "feelings" when it appears that their feelings are not at all healthy for them.

Hi Andrea: Thanks for posting! You raise an excellent point. The idiom of the street leads us to place responsibility outside ourselves--even for the most trivial things. I'm sure we can do better.

Hello, Cheryl! Actually I quite agree with your first point. In my rush to get to the main point of the post I probably did not give enough voice to the larger-than-life events than impact our emotions. The death of a child (God forbid!) or the betrayal of a lifetime partner--these things draw our emotions out, and perhaps our emotions are safety valves for dealing with such tragedies.

Now, I'm no Zen-master, but my understanding of Buddhist thinking (my very limited understanding) is that all of life is an illusion. The enlightened mind sees the illusion for what it is and does not react (or is not pushed off-center) by either delight or tragedy. My limited understanding of Christian revelation teaches me that since God became human, all of human experience is very real indeed. All of human life is in play and God has experienced all that we can experience. That is, we have an empathetic Creator. God's words to Cain were not (in my view) judgment or scolding, but rather an attempt to encourage Cain to attain his potential.

I trust your relationships (especially marriage) are growing stronger and healthy, and that your emotions part of the lifeline to help you through those difficult times. Peace to you.

Thanks, Ray. I haven't written much about this past year but suddenly I find it impossible not to. I'm no expert on Buddhism but one of the big Buddhist tenants seems to be, "wrong understanding=suffering." I don't interpret that to mean all of life is an illusion at all. More like this:

If I could get in a hot air balloon and float above this life, I would see things as they are, in context, and with "the long view." That would indeed change the emotions I would feel. BUT I could still feel sorrow for the me IN those situations who does not experience the events from a hot air balloon, but instead feels the ground view, moment by moment, lived INTO the future. That means (for me, anyway) my life lived "on the ground" is experienced/felt on the ground,but for me that is as it should be. Back to my almost-divorce: if I insist on seeing/feeling the hot air balloon version I invalidate my husband's (and my own) very real pain.

For this reason I have to insist that real emotions are sometimes best expressed and that not doing so can actually be UN-loving. Sort of like thinking about our children's experience of adolescence: we have the choice to insist on the hot air balloon view that sees beyond pimples, hormones, insecurities and fear of rejection. Or we can love on the ground. We can walk WITH our kids as they grapple with the emotions that actually work to make them the people they become. Controlling emotions, even if it's possible, is not always the loving way to live.

But then other times it is MORE loving. Evem though I'm not a Christian I still find it interesting/revealing to see Jesus in the Garden of Gethsamane forgoing the hot air balloon view intentionally, and actually entering into the emotions of life so completely that he sweat blood.

Maybe I'm not saying that controlling our emotions is impossible, but more that it's not necessarily the "best"/ideal choice to escape the negative/pain-inducing emotions, after all.

Thanks, Ray. I haven't written much about this past year but suddenly I find it impossible not to. I'm no expert on Buddhism but one of the big Buddhist tenants seems to be, "wrong understanding=suffering." I don't interpret that to mean all of life is an illusion at all. More like this:

If I could get in a hot air balloon and float above this life, I would see things as they are, in context, and with "the long view." That would indeed change the emotions I would feel. BUT I could still feel sorrow for the me IN those situations who does not experience the events from a hot air balloon, but instead feels the ground view, moment by moment, lived INTO the future. That means (for me, anyway) my life lived "on the ground" is experienced/felt on the ground,but for me that is as it should be. Back to my almost-divorce: if I insist on seeing/feeling the hot air balloon version I invalidate my husband's (and my own) very real pain.

For this reason I have to insist that real emotions are sometimes best expressed and that not doing so can actually be UN-loving. Sort of like thinking about our children's experience of adolescence: we have the choice to insist on the hot air balloon view that sees beyond pimples, hormones, insecurities and fear of rejection. Or we can love on the ground. We can walk WITH our kids as they grapple with the emotions that actually work to make them the people they become. Controlling emotions, even if it's possible, is not always the loving way to live.

But then other times it is MORE loving. Evem though I'm not a Christian I still find it interesting/revealing to see Jesus in the Garden of Gethsamane forgoing the hot air balloon view intentionally, and actually entering into the emotions of life so completely that he sweat blood.

Maybe I'm not saying that controlling our emotions is impossible, but more that it's not necessarily the "best"/ideal choice to escape the negative/pain-inducing emotions, after all.

This is really interesting--and true, I suspect. I admit, it is very tempting to just give in to our emotions, the way we always could (and did) as children. It is also tempting to use the "it's healthy to let it out" excuse--we don't want to bury our emotions or be in denial about them, because it's good to cry, to be angry, etc.

And that's true to an extent, but I think we always reach that tipping point, where healthy expression turns into wallowing and martyrdom. And I think, like you do, that we have more control over our emotions than we tend to give ourselves credit for:

"I believe the reason we find repeated exhortations in the scripture to think and feels certain ways is because God has given us the capacity to rule our thoughts and emotions."

Thanks for sharing some of the scriptural references that point in this direction. Lots to think about...